"Ha SATAN [Sin Tet Nun]" <hasatan@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:1188132064.547150.169050@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Suzanne wrote:
>> >
>> Maybe having a mouse in one's hand makes
>> some drunk with power. : )
>
> i am using a text-based browser ;)
>
> incidentally these discussions seem to go in circles. that at times
> leads to emotional frustration and taking this all too seriously.
>
> on the other hand if one is willing to discuss the BASIS of one's
> beliefs,
> eventually it amounts to a discussion of 'belief' itself.
>
> which amounts to a discussion of how humans acquire knowledge and form
> these 'beliefs'.
>
> which eventually leads to an appraisal of how one personally arrived
> at one's current 'beliefs'.
>
> if one repeats the endless mantra "from the Lord" or from "The Bible"
> and allows for no further examination of such, the discussion seems
> futile.
>
My beliefs were formed purely by experience
between myself and the Lord, and not from
any conditioned response that someone told
me. I get the feeling that you don't realize this
and insist that I have learned responses and
have been programmed by a church. If you
want to communicate in truth with me about
this, you will have to show a little faith in
what I am telling you. I'll explain.
>
I had an encounter as a child with evil, malevolent
evil. Some little boys were stoning a small innocent
and helpless dog. I was 8 years younger than most
of them and when I saw what they were doing, I
was enraged and ran at them. They looked at me
and became frightened. They ran like the dickens,
from me. I ran after a couple of them. I don't know
what in the world I was going to do, and I think
I thought I could beat them up or something. They
ran away, and rather than pursuing them after a
block, I hurried back to the little dog to assist him.
He was whimpering and was alive. He was a mostly
white dog and was covered with blood. I carried him
home to my grandparent's house, across the street
from where I got him, and my grandmother came
quickly and rendered assitance. We kept him a
long while, but he died, presumably because of
internal injuries. But he was happy with us while
he was being taken care of and he licked us, thanking
us for helping him. He had a short life, and his name,
we gave him was Spot. So, he was a "bright Spot" in
our lives for a short while. He served a purpose. The
Lord showed me through this what evil was and how
it gets into people's hearts and makes them do wierd
things like the little boys had done.
>
I contemplated all of this, and I was puzzled about
something. Why did these boys run away from me,
a very little girl at least less than half their sizes?
Then it was like I was hearing an explanation in
my head. It seemed to me that they were running
from their own consciences...or maybe better still
from something that had stirred up their consciences.
I know now that it was the Lord that did that. Then
I had not figured that out.
>
I figured out that I had good thoughts and rebellious
thoughts. What I decided "good" was, was when I
felt joyous about something, and what was a "bad"
thought was something that hurt my conscience. It
was just not pleasant to do things that hurt my
conscience. And my conscience was not a learned
response, it was built in, and/or influenced by a
force of some kind. I didn't know which.
>
My grandmother took me to a passion play. It
was a reinactment of the life of Christ, and
in the last part of it, Jesus was on the cross.
The actor looked like pictures I had seen drawn
of Jesus. But I knew he was not Jesus, of course.
he was tied to the cross and we were close enough
that I could see how he was tied, and that there were
things on his palms that were tied on that looked like
nails. But I knew that it was not really nails. I knew
there really was a man named Jesus that they had
crucified long ago. He was a nice man and he loved
children, and everyone.
>
This actor fixed on my shoe when he was waiting
for his lines. When he did that, I felt this strong
awareness of someone staring at my shoe. : )
He then realized I was staring up at him and when
he looked in my eyes, I could see him try his best
to not smile at me. The corners of his mouth
almost smiled. Well, Jesus isn't supposed to
smile from the cross, so he looked aside for a
while. Later he looked back at me. He winked
at me quickly. I was close enough to see the
wink being near the front row, but I am sure
others would not have seen it because of the
angle that he was at.
>
All of a sudden, when soldiers were jeering
at the actor on the cross, this "Jesus," he said
outloud, "Father, forgive them, for they
know not what they do." It went straight to
the core of my heart that Jesus had said that
in the Bible which tells all about this. I was
just stunned to think that Jesus could forgive
people that were killing him. I thought about
it for days. And I decided that's what I would
like to be like. That I would love people like
that and forgive them like he did. I decided
that this had to be the greatest kind of love
I'd ever heard about.
>
We had a revival. A man came whose name
was Brother Brown. He had brown hair,
wore a brown suit and had on brown shoes.
I'm not kidding. I guess only a child would
have relished in the notice of this. Brother
Brown preached and I listened, but was not
really listening so well. Sort of distracted as
he spoke, as a child might be sometimes. But
this invitation started at the end of the service,
and he asked for people to give their lives to
Jesus. I felt this tug in side of my heart, and it
was fiercely strong. My brother went forward.
I stood there like a cement street light, not
moving. I was scared of the feeling that I had
and the presence that I was feeling. My heart
was pounding. I refused to budge because
I did not want to do something unless I knew
what was going on. The pressure was great
for me to go, but I would not go, and I
held onto the seat in front of me like I
was on a boat in a stormy sea. The service
ended and this pressure let up. I thought,
"What in the world just happened?" I knew
that it was real.
>
The revival was a ten day revival. That had
been on Sunday. We had another Sunday to
go and that would end the revival. The school
was across the street from where we lived,
and when school was no going on, it felt like
the play ground belonged to us. I went to my
favorite swing and started swinging one day
that during that week. As I started swinging,
I do not know how to explain this except to
just tell you what I felt. I suddenly felt this
"presence," and I knew that it was the Lord.
It was like I could smell fresh flowers. Odd,
because there were fresh flowers all over
the place! This was Florida! But these flowers
were like the ones in the church. And I felt
this heavenly joy inside. All of a sudden, I
found myeself talking to Jesus and I felt
that he was saying that I needed to let him
be my Savior and give my life to him. I
talked to him, though I could not see him,
and I was alone on the playground. I said,
"Jesus, I didn't know it was you that was
wanting me to give my life to you when
I was in church. I said that I would do that
if I felt him impressing my heart the same
way as I was that day when I refused to
go forward acknowledging that I was
receiving Christ. Right then and there, I
asked him to be my Savior, and this joy
came into me that I can't describe at all.
It stayed with me the whole rest of the
week. When Sunday came again and we
were again in church, during the service
I felt this joy. I knew that I had asked
Jesus to be my Savior and that I'd given
my life to him. But when the invitation
started, not only did I feel this pounding
again in my heart, but I felt this just awful
"lost" feeling, like I would perish if I didn't
accept him publically. I stood there, and
then stepped one foot out into the aisle.
My first thoughts when I did that were
"I would be scared in front of all these
grownups to go up to the preacher in the
front of the church." That lasted less than
a nanosecond, for suddenly I had this
joy back in my heart as I walked to the
front, and I was grinning from ear to ear
I think. I took the preacher's hand and said,
"I'm giving my life to Jesus." I looked and
some children were watching me. Suddenly
they streamed forward, too. They were
older than I was. I think some of them were
those little boys who had been there at the
occasion with the little dog. But I was so
much in this joy.
>
The preacher told everyone "I know she is
little but we will talk to her and see if she
understands what she is doing, and all the
others as well." When he said that, I felt like
shouting, "I do SO, know what I am doing!"
But I held back from doing that. This fear
began to grip my heart. "What if the adults
keep me from giving my life to Jesus? What
if I stay lost because of them?" We all went
into a back room and the preacher talked to
us. He said to all of us, and looked down the
line of all of us, "Do all of you understand
what you are doing?" Then he looked at me,
the shortest one at the end of the line, and
said, "Do you...." and suddenly a smile came
across his face. He said, "The Lord has just
given me a scripture..." He said, "It's from
John 6:37, which says:
"....him that cometh to me I will in no wise
cast out."
When I heard that verse, all of my fear left
like someone ****ning a spotlight into my
heart. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt
that God had given that man that verse so
that I could hear it, and when I did, I knew
that salvation was not a walk down the aisle
but a response to the Lord who had worked
in my heart, for me to give my life to him, and
that's just what I had done. I knew that no one
anywhere could keep me from salvation then,
and I grinned back at the preacher. When I did,
he said, "You DO understand after all, don't
you!!!!" and I shook my head affirmatively and
kept on smiling.
>
I didn't know how to put this into words but
the joy that was there that day does not leave
and is with me to this day. From that point on,
I heard the voice of the Lord leading me at
every turn. And this is what happened when
I came to a saving knowledge of Christ.
>
This is exactly like Revelation 3:20:
"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any
man hear my voice, and open the door, I will
come in to him, and will sup with him, and he
with me."
>
This verse exactly describes what happened
to me when Jesus knocked on the door of
my heart and I let him into my heart, giving
my life to him to rule, to lead.
>
When the Lord knocks on the door of your
heart, you will know it, it is unmistakable.
>
Best Regards,
Suzanne
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