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THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
Life can be so funny!
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Original, thought-provoking humor
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WEEK'S COLUMN:
(To see a photo, click on relevant links and leave comments,
go to http://N****ma.com,
where this column was first
posted.)
"A VACATION YOU'RE GUARANTEED TO ENJOY" <a
href="http://www.n****ma.com/2008/04/dear-parents-pl.html">
Web Column</a>
Dear Parents,
Please forgive this intrusion on your time. I know how busy
and challenging life can be when you have children. Kids
are such a joy! I have three little ones myself and let me
tell you, when I'm at work, I'm constantly looking at my
watch, counting how many hours are left before the peace and
calm ends.
I went on vacation last year with my wife and kids. We
spent seven days in Florida, and when we returned home, I
was exhausted. I felt like I had run a marathon.
Thankfully, I had to go to work the next day. I was able to
recover. It occurred to me that I had just spent thousands
of dollars on a vacation that allowed me few moments of rest
and relaxation, moments that usually ended with someone
pounding on the door and saying, "Dad, come out of there! I
need to pee."
That's why I decided to form a new company called Vacation
Solution Inc. It's what all parents have been waiting for,
the solution to our vacation woes. Yes, now you can have a
restful vacation, up to seven days and seven nights in a
tropical paradise, with someone else's children. Let some
other parents take your problems. I mean, children.
Signing up for one of our relaxing vacations is easy. Just
go to our website and pick the children you want to vacation
with. You'd better hurry! The best children are going
fast. (Mine are still available. If you want to take them
for a week in December, I'm offering a free high-definition
TV.)
Even if you don't get the best children, don't worry.
Chances are, whichever children you get, they'll behave
better than your own. How do I know this? Well, it's a
scientifically proven fact that children behave up to 28
percent better when they're with adults they don't know.
People are always saying to me, "Your children are so
well-behaved. They're such angels!" And I say to them,
"How would you like a free high-def TV?"
Let's face it: It's hard to be strict with your own kids.
They know how to get their way, whether it's putting on a
sad face, saying "please" a hundred times or making so much
noise, you can't hear what Oprah is saying. But you can be
as strict as you want with someone else's children. They
don't know which buttons to push, and even if they did,
they'd be too afraid you might leave them in Acapulco.
We recommend that you be tough on them, as tough as a drill
sergeant on fresh-faced recruits. Don't think of them as
family members. Think of them as young people who have come
along to handle your luggage. They can do all sorts of jobs
for you: make your bed, wash your clothes, massage your
feet.
You might be concerned that someone's going to be really
tough on your children. Don't worry. It's only for a short
time. Here's the im****tant thing: once they're back from
vacation, they'll think you're the greatest parents in the
world. Yes, they'll finally learn to appreciate you. They
might even kiss your feet.
You might also be concerned that someone else's children,
not yours, will appear in your vacation photos, that you
won't be able to show them to your friends and family.
Don't worry. We've thought of that too. That's why we're
offering all our customers a free trial of our professional
Photoshop service. Just send us your vacation pictures and
we'll make sure your children appear in them. For an extra
fee, we'll even put smiles on their faces.
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(c) Copyright 2008 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved. <a
href="http://MelvinDurai.com">MelvinDurai.com</a>
BLOG AND OTHER REPRINTS
The above column may be reprinted in other newsletters,
blogs, discussion groups and joke lists, as long as the
website link and copyright information are included.
Melvin Durai is a Winnipeg-based writer and humorist. Born
in India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in North America
since 1982. Through the Internet, his column is read by
thousands of people in more than 90 countries.
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