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THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
Life can be so funny!
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Original, thought-provoking humor
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WEEK'S COLUMN:
(To see a photo, click on relevant links and leave comments, go
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where this column was first posted.)
"NOTHING NICE ABOUT RICE PRICE"
<a href="http://www.n****ma.com/2008/04/column-time-to.html">
Column at N****ma.com</a>
Rice is extremely popular in our household -- and I'm not talking
about Condoleezza. I'm talking about the type of rice that looks
warm and elegant at a dinner party.
My wife cooks rice almost every day. And when she isn't cooking
rice, she's often making something out of rice, such as dosa and
idli. She practically survives on rice. That's why I'm
concerned about the rising price of rice, even more than the
rising price of gas. I need gas to run my car, it's true, but I
need rice to run my wife. Sure, she might operate on wheat or
corn for a few weeks. But eventually I'd have to take her to the
people mechanic.
Me: "She's been very sluggish lately, ever since I started
filling her up with wheat and corn."
Doctor: "You're an idiot! Don't you know that she's got a rice
engine?"
Me: "A rice engine?"
Doctor: "Yes, she's highly adapted to using rice as an energy
source. Putting wheat and corn in her is like putting beer in
your car. Only an idiot would do that."
Me: "Yeah, that's true. Lemonade is cheaper. Will she be all
right? Is there any permanent damage?"
Doctor: "I'm not sure. Put her on the jack. I'll take a look
under her."
Billions of other people share my wife's affinity for rice -- and
that's just in India and China. Many people in Asia eat rice (or
a rice product) three times a day. For them, it's not just a
staple -- it's the entire stapler.
The price of rice has risen so fast, some people are paying twice
as much as they did a few weeks ago. They're furious -- and
understandably so. Just imagine how college students would feel
if, all of a sudden, the price of beer doubled. There'd be riots
on campus.
So what's causing the price increase? I attribute it to three
factors:
1. Biofuels. Too many farmers are growing corn and other crops
to produce biofuels such as ethanol. The farmers association
slogan "We put food on your table" has been changed to "Food?
Who said anything about food?"
2. Weddings. Too much rice is being thrown at newlyweds. We
need to change this tradition, which unnecessarily wastes good
food. Next time I go to a wedding, I'm throwing fruitcake.
3. Drought. Farmers in some regions have been unable to grow
rice and other crops, despite praying day and night to the rain
gods. A few desperate farmers have even invited Dustin Hoffman
to visit, because they heard he was the "Rain Man."
How dire is the situation? Well, several countries, including
India and Vietnam, have stopped ex****ting rice, while Sam's Club,
a division of Wal-Mart, is restricting customers to four bags of
jasmine, basmati and long-grain white rice per visit. Four bags.
In some Asian households, that's breakfast.
It reminds me of the time I visited a friend's house for dinner.
Friend: "Here's the appetizer. Rice chips."
Me: "Thank you. What's for dinner?"
Friend: "Fried rice with some rice soup. And for dessert we're
having rice pudding."
Me: "Yummy! Anything to drink?"
Friend: "Yes, rice wine. It's homemade, like everything else."
Me: "Really? Where did you learn to cook so well?"
Friend: "Rice University."
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(c) Copyright 2008 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.
<a href=" http://MelvinDurai.com
">MelvinDurai.com</a>
BLOG AND OTHER REPRINTS
The above column may be reprinted in other newsletters, blogs,
discussion groups, and joke lists, as long as the website link
and copyright information are included.
Melvin Durai is a Winnipeg-based writer and humorist. Born in
India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in North America since
1982. Through the Internet, his column is read by thousands of
people in more than 90 countries.
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