A contest was held for people to submit their theories on ANY subject.
Below are the winners:
4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory): If an infinite number
of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an
infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway
signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary
works in Braille.
3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics): Why Yawning Is Contagious:
You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure
change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures,
so they then yawn to even it out.
2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic): Communist China is techno-
logically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore
cannot use acronyms to communicate technical ideas at a faster rate.
1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics): The Earth may spin
faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's
rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body,
the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously
fast.
** HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics): The quantity of conso-
nants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place,
they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks his cah," the lost
Rs migrate southwest, causing a Texan to warsh" his car and invest in
"erl" wells.
GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion): When a cat is drop-
ped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always
lands buttered-side down. It was proposed to strap giant slabs of hot
buttered toast to the back of a hundred tethered cats; the two oppos-
ing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the
ground. Using the giant buttered toast-cat array, a high-speed mono-
rail could easily link New York with Chicago.
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