Below is a compilation of actual student bloopers collected
by teachers from 8th grade through college:
1) Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
have to live elsewhere.
2) The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book
of the Bible, Guinness's, Adam and Eve were created from an apple
tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
3) Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He
died before he ever reached Canada.
4) Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred ****cupines.
5) The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
female moth.
6) Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of
that name.
7) Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wed-
lock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
8) In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the
biscuits, and threw the Java.
9) Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
10) Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going
to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
11) Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing
the fiddle to them.
12) Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
Shaw.
13) Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice
for the same offense.
14) In Midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer
of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses
and also wrote literature.
15) Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son's head.
16) Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
cheered.
17) It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another im****tant in-
vention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started
smoking. And Sir Francis Drake cir***cised the world with a
100-foot clipper.
18) The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He
never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.
Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
19) Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise
Regained.
20) During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a
great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the
Atlantic. His ****ps were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the
Santa Fe.
21) Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the
settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain
John Smith was responsible for all this.
22) One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels
through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the
War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
23) Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Con-
gress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and
is still dead.
24) Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the
right to keep bare arms.
25) Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the masculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one
of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
Booth's career.
26) Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in
the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
27) Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to
the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and
so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half
English. He was very large.
28) Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later
died for this.
29) The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any
children.
30) The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire
is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was
the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a
moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event
which ended her reign.
31) The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused
a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the
McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis
Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
32) The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by
an annalist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
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