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THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
Life can be so funny!
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Original, thought-provoking humor
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WEEK'S COLUMN:
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where this column
was first posted.)
"LOCK UP THE DISSIDENTS, THE OLYMPICS ARE COMING" <a
href="http://www.n****ma.com/2008/03/column-chinas-h.html">
Web Column</a>
As the 2008 Summer Olympics approach, many people are
scratching their heads and asking, "How in heaven's name was
Beijing selected as the host city?" The answer is simple:
Beijing was chosen because Baghdad was unavailable.
Actually, the International Olympic Committee wanted to
encourage China to emulate previous hosts and pursue
democratic principles. China, in turn, pledged to be good
hosts, promising to make athletes and other guests
comfortable and, for at least three weeks, suspend all human
rights abuses.
It's a good arrangement, really, opening the door for future
Olympics to be held in places such as Tehran, Iran, and
Pyongyang, North Korea. I don't know about you, but I'm
really looking forward to the 2020 Guantánamo Bay Olympics.
By then, waterboarding will be an official event.
The Beijing Olympics are destined to be the most successful
games in Olympic history. And if you don't believe me, just
ask any Chinese journalist who isn't in prison. "Best
Olympics ever," they will say. "That's what we've been
told."
If you're a foreign journalist who disagrees, that's okay.
You have the freedom to say what you want, while people in
China have the freedom to believe whatever their government
lets them.
Go ahead and put your views on the Internet. China does not
block all websites, only the ones that discuss dangerous
topics such as "democracy," "freedom" and "Tibet." You'll
also be glad to know that China does not try to monitor all
Internet searches, only the ones that originate within the
country.
The Olympics are a great op****tunity for China to show the
world that it does more than just supply the world with
various products. It also hits people over the head with
batons. But it really doesn't want to. Some people just
insist on putting their heads under the batons. Others
insist on getting themselves tortured or sent to prison.
Yang Chunlin insisted on all three. The former factory
worker, trying to get land rights for farmers, collected
10,000 signatures for an open letter, then posted it on the
Internet with the title "We want human rights, not the
Olympics." China had no choice but to come down hard on
him, just in case people got the impression that Chinese
people lack human rights.
"We don't mind people have human rights," a Chinese official
said, "but we don't want people have human wrongs."
China, being a civilized society, doesn't believe in capital
punishment. But many people insist on getting executed.
They commit all sorts of crimes, including tax evasion and
theft, leaving the government no choice but to execute them.
China executes more people than the rest of the world
combined -- yes, even more than the United States -- but on
the bright side, China saves thousands of lives through
organ donations.
After hearing about China's treatment of its citizens, you
may be concerned about having the Olympics in Beijing. But
don't worry, China has promised not to torture or execute
any of the athletes.
It may, of course, hit a few of them over the head with a
baton.
But then, "Baton hitting" is an exhibition s****t at this
Olympics.
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(c) Copyright 2008 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved. <a
href="http://MelvinDurai.com">MelvinDurai.com</a>
BLOG AND OTHER REPRINTS
The above column may be reprinted in other newsletters,
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website link and copyright information are included.
Melvin Durai is a Winnipeg-based writer and humorist. Born
in India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in North America
since 1982. Through the Internet, his column is read by
thousands of people in more than 90 countries.
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