When Grandma Goes To Court
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if
they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern
small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a
grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached
her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've
known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a
big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife,
and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their
backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than
a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he
pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know
the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he
has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relation-
****p with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst
in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife
with three different women. One of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and,
in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks
her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric
chair.'
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