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THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
Life can be so funny!
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Original, thought-provoking humor
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THIS WEEK'S COLUMN:
(To see a related photo, click on relevant links and leave
comments, go to http://N****ma.com,
where this column was
first posted.)
THE BILLIONAIRE'S HOUSE THAT'S HELPING EVERYONE
<a
href="http://www.n****ma.com/2008/03/column-the-bill.html">
Web Column </a>
What kind of house does a billionaire build? Well, if
you're Bill Gates, you build a $100-million, high-tech house
that's full of modern amenities, such as a 17-by-60-foot
swimming pool that plays music underwater, a reception hall
that seats 150 people, and an underground shelter in case
the maids and gardeners need to hide from immigration.
If you're Mukesh Ambani, the Indian industrialist, you build
a house that has 27 floors, a parking garage for 168
im****ted cars, and three helipads, so you don't have to
drive any of those cars. At least not until they build
special lanes for billionaires.
Ambani's house, named Antilla and sprouting on Mumbai's
Altamount Road, is costing hundreds of millions of dollars
-- as much as $1 billion, according to some re****ts -- but
that's no major burden for one of the richest men in the
world. How rich is he? He's rich enough to contribute
millions of dollars to Bill and Hillary Clinton, if only
politicians weren't so ethical. He's rich enough to buy his
very own island in the Pacific, if only Australia were for
sale. He's rich enough to immunize and educate millions of
Indian children, if only Bill Gates weren't doing that
already.
There are many ways to contribute to society, many ways to
help the disadvantaged, and Ambani, as his sup****ters have
convinced me, is doing it by building a huge house. So
before you judge him, before you label his house an appall-
ing and outrageous display of wealth, you need to look at
the positive impact the house will have on thousands, if not
millions, of Indians. Indeed, some people are already
calling it the Mother Teresa of Houses.
Among the first to benefit, of course, are the people
involved in the construction, not just the architects,
engineers, and other high-skilled workers, but also scores
of laborers. Not only have they earned a paycheck for a
couple of years, they will always walk past the house with
pride, in much the same way that the workers in ancient
Egypt walked past the pyramids.
Many have improved their lives by working on the Ambani
house. A laborer named Arunath, for example, has managed to
move his family from a one-room, ramshackle house in a
Mumbai slum to a two-room, ramshackle house in a Mumbai
slum. That may not seem like a big improvement, but small
steps are im****tant, which is why the Ambanis are making
theirs out of marble. It symbolizes the progress that
everyone is making.
While the house will be the principal residence for Ambani,
his wife, Neeta, their three children, and Ambani's mother,
it will also give comfort and shelter to numerous servants
and others. And let's not forget that the house, at a
height of 27 stories, will also provide shade to any
pavement dwellers nearby. (If they happen to enter the
opulent neighborhood.) To the delight of animal activists,
the building is also likely to offer a resting spot for
pigeons and other weary birds.
The Ambanis are expected to employ 600 people in the house.
They have created many of these jobs for the sole purpose of
giving people an op****tunity to work and gain a sense of
self-worth. The indoor swimming pool, for example, is being
built largely as a means to employ a lifeguard, pool boy,
and margarita server. Ambani has collected so many im****ted
cars in order to give work to drivers, mechanics, and
insurance salesmen. Neeta has been just as benevolent.
Neeta: "I want to find work for two more people, make a
difference in two more lives."
Mukesh: "If you buy a hundred more shoes and handbags, you
can hire another wardrobe attendant."
Neeta: "Good idea. If I have two wardrobe attendants, then
I could create another position: supervisor of wardrobe
attendants. ... Let me call Isha ... Isha, let's go
shopping. We need to help more people!"
When your goal is to employ hundreds of people, you have to
come up with some ingenious ways to keep them occupied.
Hence such creative job titles as "pantry organizer," "panty
organizer," "pant organizer," and "pan organizer." And, of
course, "paan organizer."
In the adult bathrooms, they'll have jobs such as "perfume
sprayer," "teeth polisher," and "grey-hair snipper." In the
children's bathrooms, they'll have "hair comber," "face
washer," and "pimple-cream applier."
Perhaps the building's biggest role will be to serve as a
source of pride and motivation for millions of Indians,
particularly children. Inspired by the Ambani house, many
of them will be eager to take advantage of Bill Gates'
educational programs.
Together, the two billionaires are making a huge difference.
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(c) Copyright 2008 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved. <a
href=" http://MelvinDurai.com">MelvinDurai.com</a>
BLOG AND OTHER REPRINTS The above column may be reprinted in
other newsletters, blogs, discussion groups, and joke lists,
as long as the website link and copyright information are
included.
Melvin Durai is a Winnipeg-based writer and humorist. Born
in India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in North America
since 1982. Through the Internet, his column is read by
thousands of people in more than 90 countries.
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