London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common
Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows
for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long
ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as
having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to
come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm,
Life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies
(adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when
well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in
place. Re****ts of a 6-year-old boy charged with ***ual
harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from
school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his
condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for
doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in
disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast
to a student; but could not inform parents when a student
became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend
yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
could sue you for assault. Common Sense lost the will to
live when criminals received better treatment than their
victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman
failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.
She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a
huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and
Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers:
I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame,
and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was
gone.
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