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THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
Life can be so funny!
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Original, thought-provoking humor
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WEEK'S COLUMN:
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leave comments, go to http://N****ma.com,
where this column
was first posted.)
"A FIGHT THAT'S MAKING BOXING HISTORY" <a href="
http://www.n****ma.com/2008/01/column-expect-a.html>
"Web
Column</a>
Are you enjoying the big fight? I am. I lost interest in
boxing in the 1990s, soon after Mike Tyson fell from grace,
but I'm enjoying the s****t once again, thanks to all the
jabs and fancy footwork in this epic Obama-Clinton clash.
The first round went to Barack Obama, known in boxing
circles as The Barackuda. He landed dozens of punches and
also followed an unusual boxing tactic: stomping on Hillary
Clinton's toes. So dominant was he that when the bell rang,
she ran to her corner, sat down and cried. "Boo hoo! He
hurt me!"
Everyone thought she'd throw in the towel and run to the
locker room, but she's a real fighter. Her trainer, Bill,
got her ready, wiping away her tears, treating the cut below
her eye, and pumping her up with words such as "Go get him,
girl!" and "He's a man. Hit him where it hurts!"
Obama came out strong in Round Two with a series of jabs
that convinced boxing experts he'd easily win the round.
But with a minute left, Clinton stunned everyone with a
well-aimed punch that almost floored Obama. Poor guy didn't
know what hit him. "Ouch!" he said, staggering into the
ropes. "Thank God I wore a cup."
Before he could recover, she nailed him again with an
uppercut to the chin, then elbowed him in the gut. "Is that
allowed?" Obama asked, but the female referee was distracted
by Trainer Bill, who was fla****ng his undershorts at her.
"Hey ref," Bill shouted. "How'd you like to handle these
boxers?"
After splitting the first two rounds, the fighters were
determined to win Round Three and came out with a flurry of
punches, prompting some boxing analysts to start comparing
the fight to the classic 1975 Ali-Frazier clash, known as
the Thrilla in Manila. The main difference, of course, was
that Ali and Frazier didn't fight dirty.
In the middle of the round, Obama rocked Clinton with a
punch to the ribs, then smiled at a group of culinary
workers cheering for him. "My round," he said. "Experience
I may lack, but I sure can talk smack."
But as he turned back to face Clinton, she socked him in the
face, causing his mouthpiece to go flying all the way back
to Chicago. "Not so fast, pretty boy," she said. "By the
time I'm through with you, you'll be too ugly to go on
Oprah."
Clinton did so well in the second and third rounds that Ring
magazine put her on the cover, under the headline "Girl Got
Game." She now holds a slight lead over Obama, but this
fight is expected to go the distance, with a knockout as
unlikely as a kiss on the cheek. "I'm still in this fight,"
Obama said, recuperating between rounds. "It ain't over
till Oprah sings."
While some analysts are calling it the "Fight of the
Century," it might just be the "Fight of Eternity." Never
before has a black man fought a white woman with so much at
stake. The winner goes to the champion****p round, where he
or she will face the winner of the McCain-Huckabee fight.
John McCain is in the lead, but Mike Huckabee is much
tougher than expected, benefitting from the vast fighting
experience of his trainer, Chuck Norris. "You can take the
old man!" Norris keeps shouting. "This is boxing, not
bridge."
McCain is trying to follow in the footsteps of George
Foreman, who won the heavyweight title at age 45. Though
he's 71, more than a quarter-century older, McCain's got a
lot of fight in him, hitting Huckabee with one hand, while
keeping the other hand firmly on his walking stick. Every
now and then, he uses the stick to smack a spectator trying
to sneak into the ring, someone named Mitt Romney.
Nobody knows who's going to win the title, but one thing is
clear: Boxing fans will be on the edge of their seats.
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(c) Copyright 2008 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved. <a
href=" http://MelvinDurai.com
">MelvinDurai.com</a>
BLOG AND OTHER REPRINTS The above column may be reprinted in
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as long as the website link and copyright information are
included.
Melvin Durai is a Winnipeg-based writer and humorist. Born
in India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in North America
since 1982. Through the Internet, his column is read by
thousands of people in more than 90 countries.
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