You Can't Fix Stupid
1) Recently, when I went to McDonald's. I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9, or 12 Chicken
McNuggets. I asked for a half-dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half-dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the
counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order
six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
***
2) I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt
close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that
they keep by the cash register and placed it between our
things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider',
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how
much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy
that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She
had no clue to what had just happened.
***
3) A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I
inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping
on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
***
4) I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her
car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to
this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store)
would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and
the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked
the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk.'
***
5) Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and
said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use copier-machine paper,' the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of
paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
'blank' copies.
***
6) I was in a car dealer****p a while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle
was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally
looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what
had happened. He told me that the driver had set the
'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a
sandwich.
***
7) My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call
him when they have problems with their computers. One night
he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who
had this question: 'I've got smoke coming from the back of
my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?'
***
8) Police in Radnor, Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing
a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to
a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in
the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time
they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect
confessed.
***
9) A mother called 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if
she needed to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid
was eating ants.
The dispatcher told her to give the kid some Benadryl and it
should be fine.
The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.
Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!
***
Life is tough! It's tougher if you're stupid.
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