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THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI
Life can be so funny!
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Original, thought-provoking humor
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WEEK'S COLUMN:
"THE CHILDREN AND THE COUCH: A STAINED RELATION****P"
My wife and I are in the market for a new couch. And by
that I mean that she's looking for a piece of fine furniture
that will enhance the decor of our living room, matching the
other furni****ngs and creating an atmosphere of warmth and
comfort, while I'm looking for something long enough to
sleep on.
Our old couch has become rather ratty. We don't want to
keep it much longer, even if we can get rid of the rats.
Actually, we don't have any rats. We have something worse:
brats. Three of them, to be precise. There's a 5-year-old
named Lekha who likes to jump on the couch, a 3-year-old
named Divya who likes to spill food on the couch, and a 20-
month-old named Rahul who likes to jump on the food on the
couch. (Someone has to work it into the fabric.)
Rahul hasn't yet learned how to drink from cups, but when
his sisters are drinking on the couch, he insists on doing
it too. And when he's done, he's often the only one still
sitting on the couch, though he'd feel drier and a lot more
comfortable sitting on the kitchen sponge.
As you can imagine, Rahul has left a number of stains on the
couch. I've tried to have a positive attitude about this.
I've tried to think of him as an artist and the couch as his
canvas. I've tried to move young Michelangelo around, so he
can create a symmetrical pattern.
The problem is, the couch has been partitioned, in much the
same way that India was. The left side belongs to Lekha,
the right side to Divya, and the middle to Rahul. (I have
to give my kids credit: they did a better job than the
British.) What this means is that Rahul cannot move around
freely, not without getting a visa.
Divya is like North Korea -- she usually denies visa
requests. Lekha is more welcoming, but her fee can be
rather excessive. And she insists on being paid in one of
three currencies: cookies, cake, or candy. If you look
suspicious, as all boys do, she might put you through a
search at the border. And if you don't follow her rules,
she'll be quick to de****t you.
Every now and then, I see my three children sitting together
on one side of the couch, arms around each other, and it
warms my heart, makes my day, as though they're Indian,
Pakistani, and Banglade****. I usually run to fetch the
camera, but by the time I return, the borders are being
enforced again.
If you're wondering why they're so protective about their
sections of the couch, it's probably because they've buried
some treasure there. Just stick your hands under the
cu****ons and you'll come across a variety of treasure:
hairpins, rubber bands, crayons, pizza slices. Yes, if
you're hungry, don't run to the refrigerator -- make a dash
for the right side of the couch and grab any food that
doesn't have Rahul's footprints on it.
Before getting rid of the couch, I'm going to turn it over
and get Lekha to jump on it. But I'm a little afraid of
what might fall out.
It's been a few months since the neighbor last saw his cat.
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(c) Copyright 2007 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.
<a href="http://MelvinDurai.com">MelvinDurai.com</a>
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The above column may be reprinted in other newsletters,
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website link and copyright information are included.
Melvin Durai is a Winnipeg-based writer and humorist. Born
in India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in North America
since 1982. Through the Internet, his column is read by
thousands of people in more than 90 countries.
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