Subject: Ususual Things Happening In The Bi-ble Belt.
Part 3. June 6, 2006.
In this discussion I will point out a situation that I
don't believe is true.
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"I happened to know those apples were blessed. They were
chu-ch apples after all, "Reverend Jackson said. "We had
several people fall in love and knock on my door. They
wanted to get married. They were all so in love. Just
crazy about each other. Those apples got inside them and
did wonders. It was as though the Lord blesses each apple
with blessing. A wish. And whatever the person who ate the
apple wished for they received."
"I ate one of those apples, too, the Reverend pointed
out. He laughed and said, "I wonder what's going to come
my way?"
May 31, 2006
http://evangelicalspectator.typepad.com/the_evangelical_
spectator/2006/05/st_bartholomews.html
(JW Next is the part that I don't think is true.)
Pig Robs Bank
A pig robbed a bank today in Limestone, Tennessee. It
came into the First National Bank, carrying a paper-bag
and a gun. The pig demanded the teller fill up the bag
with cash.
The pig drove away in red convertible driven by his
accomplice a goat. The amount taken was not divulged.
However it was in the range of six to seven thousand.
"I've never known a pig to commit a felony like that,"
Sheriff Tom Dawkins said. "It's quite unusual. They're
usually quite law abiding. This one was mean, selfish.
Of course, pigs don't go to ch-rch. They're not allowed
in. Maybe if pigs were taught the gospel this would've
never happened."
Anyone knowing the whereabouts of the pig should call
the local police.
June 01, 2006
http://evangelicalspectator.typepad.com/the_
evangelical_spectator/2006/06/pig_robs_bank.html
S**** In The Garden -- Part One
Members of the First Met-odist ch-rch in Mountain City,
Tennessee were surprised to find a s**** in the chu-ch
garden. The s**** stood over five feet tall and had two
hind-legs. "I think it was the De-il," Richard Krasner
said.
The s**** was re****ted to have spoken to several
members of the congregation.
"I don't know what that s**** said," Mary Kay Abells
said. "But it shocked the people who heard it."
"I heard what the s**** said," said Joe Buckley. "And
I can tell you right now it wasn't pretty."
"It got nasty when the s**** coiled around Betty Ann
Billing's ankle," Stella Deevers said. "The s**** wanted
us to eat an apple and we told the s**** we'd heard of
the Garden of Eden and we didn't want to eat no apple.
It was as simple as that.
Nothing more to it."
"Only the s**** didn't take no for an answer. It swayed
back and forth. We could see that long tongue darting in
and out.
That s**** had a smirk on its face."
"We asked the s**** where it was from, as we'd never seen
it before. We asked the s**** if it was the Dev-l. A stray
dog began barking at the s****. Some children started
throwing rocks at the s****. Kibby Brock took a pocketknife
out. Yelled a few bible verses at the s****. At right at
that moment, tension between the congregation and the s****
got real intense. And Nooney Brock come from out of no
where and got up real close to the s****.
"That's when the s**** ate Nooney. Swallowed him up. I
mean Nooney was gone."
Some discussion followed as to what to do with the s****.
It being pretty obvious that Nooney had been devoured.
Police arrived on the scene, and with the help of a
deacon and three churchgoers chased the s**** up into the
woods.
"We aimed to capture it or shoot it, which ever came
first.
We didn't like that s****. We suspect it was the de-il.
It was mean, ev-l monster. Took off lickety-split through
them hedges, hopping over them small trees. Then I seen
it leap up, like it was taking flight almost. Let's k-ll
it. Let's get it and cut it up into little pieces. It's
the least we can do."
The hunt for the s**** went well into the night. Sitting
beside their campfire the hunters suspected the s**** had
gotten away. There was a full moon in the east. All they
could hear was the cicadas and crickets. The stars overhead
seemed brighter and more friendly than any other night.
Though the danger they faced was apparent. "We got find
that s****," the Sheriff told the men. "If it takes a
hundred years we got to find it."
Man Turns Stone Into Bread
A Ba-tist minister in Charlotte, North Carolina turned
stone into bread. "I was amazed," Reverend Ollie Akers
said. "It was as big a surprise to me anybody else. We'd
run out of hot dog buns, hamburger buns and regular
sandwich bread at our ch-rch picnic, you see. And how was
them hungry people suppose to eat?"
"Well, for a moment I couldn't come up with an answer. So
I started to pr-y.
I didn't know what else to do. I sat down on a great big
rock at the lake. And you know what happened? That rock
turned into the biggest loaf of bread you ever seen in your
life."
"Plenty enough for everybody. People got real excited, and
they were terribly grateful. We all knelt and p-ayed. A
ch-rch picnic everyone knew was a joyous occasion. But
nothing like this one. Nothing like that had ever happened."
"It's an example of the power of faith. Chr-stians rewarded
and nourished by the bounty of their faith."
"Of course, I don't know Mickey Smope's scooter got turned
into bread. That was unexpected. Though we got a good laugh
out of it. And Lanny Usher's house.
How could a three bedroom split-level house turn into bread?"
The police had no answer. It had never happened before.
http://evangelicalspectator.typepad.com/the_evangelical_
spectator/2006/06/man_turns_stone.html
Where's The Bible Belt?
"Where is the Bible Belt? Do you know?" asked Clement
Tolley. He turned his head first right, then left. "Cause
if you do, tell me. Can't see it on a road map,". "I paid
five dollars for it. I can't find the Bible Belt. I know it's
here somewhere."
"I been asking people for a good two hours. Whew! Nobody's
got a clue. I need a bloodhound or a new map. I can't tell
much from this old thing. How do you get to the Bible Belt?
Will somebody answer this simple, little question?" He
folded up his map and threw it to the ground. Then stepped
on the map like he was cru****ng a tin can. "This is
driving me plum crazy."
Mr Tolley finally asked this same question at a service
station in Newpole, Pennsylvania. The answer he got
seemed to please him.
"Take a right at First Corinthians,: the gas station
attendant said. "Go straight up Leviticus and take a sharp
right at Psalms. Then when you get to the intersection of
Song of Solomon and Proverbs you turn up Saint Mathews. Keep
going that hill till you get to Deuteronomy. Make a left,
drive right past the Tower of Babel and the Garden of Eden
-- give a wave to Adam and Eve -- they're good people.
Then continue on to Golgotha, three miles southeast past
the sea of Galilee, straight to Palestine, the Mount of
Olives, then on to Samaria and, if you've got the time,
stop off at the arena where David and Goliath are fighting
again. And then three blocks to King Herod's big palace,
and after running along the Nile River, three blocks from
site of the Battle of Jericho, veer sharply after the
first red light at Babylonia, and drive right past the
Red Sea."
"And you're home free."
http://www.zoundry.com
Part 3.
John Winston. johnfw@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
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