This morning I got braces on my lower teeth for the second time in a
lifetime, and if you're thinking of getting your teeth re-straightened,
let me say that yes, it sucks just as much as you remember it, and also
yeah, it's probably worth it, especially as compared to the hampster
strategy where your teeth will continue erupting until they grow into
your brain if you don't wear them down.
So I'm in a little pain-o here, but that's okay, because then I got on
the phone with another kibologist who is having even worse dental
problemos than I am. I will not identify this person unless this person
wants to come forward, because to each his own dental problems, sez I.
I'm a little let down at my coworkers and friends (and parents, argh!)
because the best they could do is "metalmouth" and "brace-face," and lo,
though those words do unmend the scars of middle school like a good
scurvy outbreak, I must say that they really could do better.
(Railroad-Teeth, I should note, does not apply as I only have them on my
lowers.)
Can't they come up with anything wittier, sharper, or more cringe-
inducing? Or more to the point, can you? I didn't get any special
cosmetic dealies, and I'm not coating them with wax or anything, so
basically I've got a row of metal studs defacing my teeth. So do your
worst, ark! I want you to tap into the depths of your creative souls,
not to mention the depths of all of the tooth-related nightmares you
must've had, and tell me what I look like with all this damn metal in my
face! Bring it!
Also, is anyone else there in pain? Tell me about it! Because company
deserves misery, or some such.
-LAN3
I also have a bite plate that makes me speak with a lisp. Not that I
talk, because talking with it in makes me gag. Make of that what you
will.
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