Scientists Cure Gay Sheep - PETA and Gays Outraged
JANUARY 31, 2007
****TLAND, Oregon — Scientists at Oregon Health and Science University have
discovered a cure for gayness in sheep.
Over the last five years, researchers at the university had concluded that
8
percent of rams were gay, and they looked for the reasons why. They
studied
behavioral factors such as overly-domineering mother sheep, and
psychological factors such as older gay rams leading young rams astray,
but
they finally concluded that the cause was genetic. After isolating the gay
sheep gene, they were able to extract the gene from sheep DNA, thereby
ensuring that rams born in the future will not be gay.
“They will be much better breeders,” said Dr. Charles Roselli of the
university.
Instead of being heralded as having created a major scientific and
agricultural breakthrough, the Oregon scientists have been vilified by
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and gay rights
advocates
who have vigorously protested the university’s work. The scientists have
even received death threats.
Shalin Gala, a PETA representative working on its sheep campaign, who is
openly gay, said it was perfectly clear that scientists were working on
sheep as prelude to working on humans.
“The next thing you know, they will have a ‘cure’ for gaiety in humans,”
said Mr. Gala, “and that means that gays will die out and not be replaced!
There will be no more male airline flight attendants and decorators, and
no
more boys for Man-Boy Love Association members!”
Asked whether PETA had any concern for the animals themselves, Mr. Gala
said, “Of course we do. We feel for the 8 percent. Those rams may be too
dumb to realize that future generations of rams may not be like them, but
we
care about that on their behalf. Being gay is not some abnormality that
needs to be cured. It is normal. It is the breeders that are disgusting!”
A talking sheep from the movie set of Babe III disagreed with Mr. Gala. “I
don’t think Mr. Gala has the interests of sheep at heart,” it said. “I
feel
he is only concerned with humans and is deeply threatened by the notion
that
in the future there will not be any gay humans born. What he is
overlooking
is that while 8 percent of rams might share his concerns about future
replicativity, the other 92 percent of us would welcome the elimination of
gay shepherds.”
Julio Cesar
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