The Cold Blooded News
The Newsletter of the Colorado Herpetological Society
Volume 28, Number 5; May, 2001
http://coloherp.org/cb-news/Vol-28/cbn-0105/GardenS****.html
Green garden s****s can be dangerous. Read on.
Reprinted from the East Texas Herpetological Society Newsletter,
Vol.13, No.2, March 2001
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had quite a few potted plants. During
a cold spell, the wife brought a bunch of them indoors to protect
them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green
garden s**** had hidden in one of the plants, and when it had warmed
up, it slithered out.
The wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.
Her husband, who was taking a shower, ran into the living room ****d
to see what the problem was. She told him there was a s**** under
the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look
for it.
About that time, the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the leg.
He thought the s**** had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought
he had had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The
attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started
carrying him out.
The s**** came out from under the sofa; one of the Emergency Medical
Technicians saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher, breaking
one of the man's legs.
The wife still had the problem of the s**** in the house, so she
called a neighbor. He volunteered to capture the s****, armed
himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.
Soon he decided it must be gone. He told the woman, who sat down on
the sofa in relief. But, while relaxing, her hand dangled in between
the cu****ons, where she felt the s**** wriggling around. She
screamed and fainted, the s**** went back under the sofa, and the
neighbor man, seeing her passed out, thought he should use CPR to
revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the
grocery store, happened to look in. Upon seeing her husband's mouth
on the neighbor woman's mouth, she ran in and slammed her husband in
the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out
and cutting his scalp to a point where it required stitches.
The noise woke the first woman from her faint. She saw her neighbor
lying on the floor with his wife bending over him and assumed he had
been bitten by the s****. She went to the kitchen, brought back a
small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
In all the commotion, some neighbor had called the police. Upon
arriving, they saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and
assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest
all of the people.
The two women tried to explain how it all happened because of a
little green s****. They were allowed to call an ambulance, which
took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Just then the little s**** crawled out from under the couch. One of
the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the s**** and
hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The
table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke,
it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through
the window into the yard on top of the family dog, who, startled,
jumped up and raced out into the street. An oncoming car swerved to
avoid it and smashed into the parked police car, setting it on fire.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire
house was ablaze.
Neighbors had called the Fire Department. The arriving fire truck
had started raising its ladder as they were halfway down the street.
The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the
electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city
block area.
Time passed. Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house
was rebuilt, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with
the world.
About a year later the original couple were watching TV and the
weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked
his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the
night.
Naturally, she shot him.
--
The Cold Blooded News
The Newsletter of the Colorado Herpetological Society
Volume 28, Number 5; May, 2001
http://coloherp.org/cb-news/index.php
http://coloherp.org/cb-news/Vol-28/cbn-0105/GardenS****.html
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