"Free Lunch" <lunch@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:8dme24t4av46une0fger6ia0j8gcsbmjek@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> On Sun, 11 May 2008 15:15:28 -0500, "Sockie" <SANTANA@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> wrote:
>
>>Imagine how field service would be different if Jehovah's Witnesses had
to
>>drop the facade of "we just want to talk to people" and instead were
>>completely honest and candid about their doctrines and beliefs. A
typical
>>conversation in the ministry might go something like this.
>>
>>*knock knock*
>>
>>Householder: Hello?
>>
>>Witness: Hi. My name is Brother Zealous and I'm here to offer you these
>>magazines giving you a hope for the new world.
>>
>>Householder: I have my own religion, thank you very much.
>>
>>Witness: Oh ... ah-hem ... well, I'm glad to hear that.
>>
>>Householder: You are?
>>
>>Witness: Oh yes, you see, we talk to people of all religions.
>>
>>Householder: Obviously. But aren't you here to convert me or something?
>>
>>Witness: Well ... yes, that too.
>>
>>Householder: I'm pretty happy with my religion, though. Why should I
>>convert?
>>
>>Witness: Well, we have the one and only true religion. Your religion is
>>false.
>>
>>Householder: False? But you don't even know what I believe!
>>
>>Witness: Doesn't matter whatever it is, it's sure to be false. And even
if
>>we agree on 99.9% of the Bible, you're still in grave danger.
>>
>>Householder: Why am I in danger?
>>
>>Witness: Well, God's going to kill you. And ... well, I can see from the
>>toys in your yard that you have children. Am I right?
>>
>>Householder: Yes.
>>
>>Witness: Well, God's going to kill them, too. And it'll be your fault.
>>There. You've been warned. I've just discharged my own responsibility,
so
>>the bloodguilt is yours now. When God kills your kids, it'll be all your
>>fault. So you better take these magazines.
>>
>>Householder: But we pray to God every night. We even pray together, as a
>>family! My wife and my daughter and I kneel every evening before we tuck
>>her
>>in, and she folds her hands and prays for us and for her dolls and for
>>Rover, her puppy ...
>>
>>Witness: That's cute and all, but I'm afraid it isn't enough.
>>
>>Householder: So my daughter ...
>>
>>Witness: Dead.
>>
>>Householder: And my wife ...
>>
>>Witness: Dead ...
>>
>>Householder: What about Rover?
>>
>>Witness: Dead. Dead dead dead dead dead. Look, are you going to take the
>>magazines or not?
>>
>>Householder: Well, wait a minute. Before I take them, how do I know for
>>certain that YOU have the right religion?
>>
>>Witness: I suppose that's a fair question. Well, our religion is the
true
>>religion because the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society says that we
are.
>>
>>Householder: So, you're saying that you have the right religion because
>>your
>>religion says you have the right religion?
>>
>>Witness: Well, yeah.
>>
>>Householder: That doesn't sound very convincing.
>>
>>Witness: You must have misunderstood me. You see, only we have the
unique
>>beliefs that reflect the truth about the Bible.
>>
>>Householder: So, you have the true religion because of your beliefs?
>>
>>Witness: You betcha.
>>
>>Householder: Well, that's circular reasoning. Saying that Witnesses have
>>the
>>right religion because only they have the particular beliefs that they
>>have
>>is well, it's the same as saying that Witnesses have the right religion
>>because they're Witnesses.
>>
>>Witness: Are you an apostate?
>>
>>Householder: A what?
>>
>>Witness: Never mind. You were starting to confuse me for a second, so I
>>thought you might be an evil apostate. But I understand what the problem
>>is
>>now. You see, the "truth" of our religion is self-evident in our
beliefs.
>>All you have to do is look at our beliefs and you can tell that only we
>>are
>>following the Bible in the way that God wants.
>>
>>Householder: Interesting. You know, I knew a Witness in high school. She
>>didn't celebrate anything, not even birthdays. Is that one of your
>>beliefs?
>>
>>Witness: Right. God hates birthdays.
>>
>>Householder: Well, let's take that. Why don't you celebrate birthdays?
>>
>>Witness: There are two birthdays recorded in the bible, and in each of
>>them
>>someone gets his head chopped off. Everything in the bible is written
for
>>our instruction, so obviously God hates birthdays.
>>
>>Householder: Heads chopped off?
>>
>>Witness: Yep.
>>
>>Householder: My daughter's birthday was last week, and I swear to you
that
>>absolutely no one was decapitated. In fact, in all the birthdays I've
>>celebrated in my life, no one even got a little bit hurt.
>>
>>Witness: Still, it's a matter of principle. You don't want to be
>>sup****ting
>>something God hates.
>>
>>Householder: But didn't Job celebrate his children's "special days"? And
>>wasn't Job a righteous man?
>>
>>Witness: Er, well ... um, you see, I guess you can't prove that the
>>"special
>>days" were birthdays. I mean, maybe they were just "fun days," heh heh
...
>>you know, just friendly family get-togethers ...
>>
>>Householder: You don't sound very convinced. But heck even if you're
>>right,
>>isn't it true that God directed the magi to Bethlehem, where they gave
>>gifts
>>to Jesus on the day of his birth?
>>
>>Witness: Um, yes, that's true.
>>
>>Householder: So there are more that two birthdays in the bible, right?
It
>>seems to me that there are about a dozen birthdays in the bible. Heads
got
>>cut off at only two of them. Perhaps the real lesson is that we
shouldn't
>>go
>>chopping each other's heads off at birthdays?
>>
>>Witness: Well, perhaps, but birthdays are also pagan in origin ...
>>
>>Householder: Really? I didn't know that. What's the pagan origin,
anyway?
>>
>>Witness: Er, well, I used to know. I have this book that explains all
this
>>stuff ...
>>
>>Householder: Wait a minute! You mean you don't even know the reason you
>>don't celebrate birthdays? You can't even remember the pagan origins?
I'm
>>sorry, but that's pretty weak.
>>
>>Witness: Well, that stuff doesn't really matter. Jehovah has seen fit to
>>direct his Faithful and Discreet Slave to give us these rules. We don't
>>question that.
>>
>>Householder: So God himself directs your religious doctrine?
>>
>>Witness: Yep! See, that's why we're the one true religion.
>>
>>Householder: Right, right. But let me ask you, has your religion always
>>had
>>these strict beliefs? I mean, were you always restricted from holidays
and
>>celebrations and so forth?
>>
>>Witness: Um, no. The light gets brighter and brighter as we get closer
to
>>Armageddon, which is when God's going to kill you and your family. We
keep
>>refining our beliefs. We're a "progressive" organization, see.
>>
>>Householder: You're a progressive organization?
>>
>>Witness: Oh yes. Unlike the stubborn false religions of Babylon the
Great,
>>we're not afraid to adjust our thinking according to the times.
>>
>>Householder: So, if you're progressive, I suppose your religion has
>>charities for orphans and widows, meetings for alcoholic members,
sup****t
>>groups for those with disabilities, an outreach program for troubled
>>teens,
>>
>>Witness: Hey hold on there! No, none of that.
>>
>>Householder: That doesn't sound very "progressive" to me. What about
those
>>in poverty? How does your religion take care of them?
>>
>>Witness: We don't have specific arrangements for giving charity to our
own
>>members.
>>
>>Householder: What about orphans, widows, single mothers?
>>
>>Witness: Well, if they're at every meeting and comment a lot at the
>>meetings
>>and get well over the national average, well, then maybe we'll have a
>>get-together for them. You know, invite them over to study the
Watchtower
>>with us. But, I mean, there's welfare and other social services for
people
>>like that.
>>
>>Householder: Which is funded by the government.
>>
>>Witness: Er, yeah.
>>
>>Householder: Which your God Jehovah is going to destroy.
>>
>>Witness: Yeah, um, that's right.
>>
>>Householder: Well, you must have special programs and meetings to help
>>troubled teens, domestic problems, alcohol abuse, that sort of thing.
>>
>>Witness: No. We deny that these problems exist within the brotherhood.
And
>>anyone who has a serious problem must not be studying the Watchtower
>>enough
>>they're spiritually weak and we should avoid them.
>>
>>Householder: I don't understand. How can you help people with problems
if
>>you avoid them? This doesn't make a lot of sense.
>>
>>Witness: See, that's why you need these magazines. They explain
>>everything!
>>Let me show you ... look, see how there are all these scriptures in
>>parentheses? You can follow along, even in your own inferior translation
>>of
>>the Bible.
>>
>>Householder: This one paragraph lists scriptures from Ezekiel, Proverbs,
>>Matthew, Galatians, and Revelation.
>>
>>Witness: Yes! Our religion makes the most sense if you take all the
verses
>>out of context and paste them together. Reading the Bible this way
reveals
>>the ultimate fulfillment of Bible prophecy that only Witnesses
understand.
>>
>>Householder: So the particular historical, political, and cultural
context
>>of the scripture is irrelevant?
>>
>>Witness: If you want to read the bible that way, you can it's
interesting
>>and all but you won't understand the deeper truths. You won't be able to
>>prepare yourself for Armageddon, either.
>>
>>Householder: So we're pretty close to Armageddon, huh?
>>
>>Witness: That's right. You'd better take these magazines.
>>
>>Householder: You don't happen to have any insight into how soon until
the,
>>um, "end," do you? I mean, are we talking weeks, months, years, or what?
>>
>>Witness: We don't predict anymore that would be arrogant. Acts says that
>>no
>>one knows the hour or season of God's plan. So, we don't know when the
end
>>will come.
>>
>>Householder: You don't predict "anymore"?
>>
>>Witness: Er ... well ... no.
>>
>>Householder: So Jehovah's Witnesses have predicted the end of the world
>>before?
>>
>>Witness: Darn it! Are you sure you're not an apostate?
>>
>>Householder: I'm just curious. If I'm going to convert to your religion,
I
>>think I should know something about its history first.
>>
>>Witness: Well, we used to say that the end would come in 1914. Then we
>>said
>>it would come in 1916. Then we said it would come in 1918. Then 1925
that
>>was a big one. Then 1941 or 1942. Then we said it would come in 1975.
Then
>>we said it would come before the generation of 1914 passed away, with a
>>generation being the equivalent of no more than 80 years. But in 1995
>>someone looked up "generation" in a dictionary and we decided that
wasn't
>>true. We even said, sort of by accident, that it would come before the
end
>>of the twentieth century.
>>
>>Householder: Happy new millennium.
>>
>>Witness: Uh, yeah. In any event, it's coming very, very soon. Any day
now.
>>It won't delay. Honest. We mean it.
>>
>>Householder: Right. Um, look I'm not the greatest Bible scholar, but
isn't
>>there a scripture where Jesus warned his followers to look out for false
>>prophets? And doesn't the Bible also warn that false prophets will,
like,
>>die or something?
>>
>>Witness: Well, the bible does say that. But it doesn't apply to us.
>>
>>Householder: Why not?
>>
>>Witness: Because we're not prophets.
>>
>>Householder: But don't you preach the predictions of your religion,
>>whatever
>>they are, as printed in the magazine you're showing me here?
>>
>>Witness: That's right. But it's not a big deal. You see, sometimes, in
our
>>enthusiasm, imperfect men among us have leaped ahead of Jehovah and made
>>mistakes.
>>
>>Householder: But you said that God himself directs your doctrine!
>>
>>Witness: That's right.
>>
>>Householder: How does that make sense?
>>
>>Witness: It makes sense because we have the truth!
>>
>>Householder: The truth about what?
>>
>>Witness: Er, well, that is ... obviously you are an apostate, and I'm
hear
>>to reason with you, not the other way around, and, um, my car group is
>>waiting, and, er, well, have a nice day. I will shake the dust from my
>>feet
>>as I climb into my Presiding Overseer's minivan.
>>
>>Householder: Whatever.
>>
>>** Posted from http://www.teranews.com
**
>
> Very nice. Do you know who wrote it?
No.
** Posted from http://www.teranews.com
**
|
