Fwd: WINNERS! Usenet Kook Awards, October 2007

<music>
"20th Century Fox Fanfare"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54ynmUPZ5c
</music>

The time has come to announce the winners of the October 2007 Usenet
Kook Awards.  Envelopes, please!

*drumroll*

KOOK OF THE MONTH

  The winner is...ZANTHIUS AKA DR. DRUGGIE!

  10 votes Zanthius AKA Dr. Druggie
  06 votes Ernie Primeau
  01 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, InZany!  Your insistence that you're an alien and that
you're looking forward to the extinction of humanity were wonderful
qualifications for this award.  Getting in a fight with Alexa, one of
the few people who might actually believe you, didn't hurt your chances
either.

CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

  The winner is...CHIEF THRACIAN!

  11 votes Chief Thracian
  03 votes Petey of alt.folklore.ghost-stories
  02 votes The poster last in PDX in 2003
  00 votes None of the above

Congratulations, Chief!  Your whining about trolls to AUK, then
threatening to netcop the people who were trying to give you a clue made
you a runaway winner.

COWARD OF THE MONTH

  The winner is...BILL HUGHES!

  15 votes Bill Hughes
  05 votes Raymond Karczewski
  01 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Bizarro!  For the second time in three months your
threats of inflicting real-life harm on your online opponents for words
on a screen have earned you this award.  Good thing for those who wish
to recognize other deserving individuals that you can only win this
award once more between now and next August.

JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

  The winner is...BILL HUGHES!

  15 votes Bill Hughes
  06 votes Michael "Howdy/Trumpet of the Lord" Schmidt
  01 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations again, Bizarro!  There is a reason why the "Bill Hughes
'Golden Goat Testicle of Nonsense'" was the runner-up for an award
recognizing "a pattern of stupidity, idiocy, moronism, silliness,
cretinism and general kookery"and this month you demonstrated that
reason in spades!

PALMJOB PADDLE

  The winner is...JIM RILEY!

  12 votes Jim Riley
  10 votes Michael "Howdy/Trumpet of the Lord" Schmidt
  00 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Jim!  Not only were your efforts to suck up to the Big-
8 Management Board mocked by the B8MBies' critics, they were rebuffed by
the Board itself.  So, are you going to bend over again in front of
news.groups this month and say, "Thank you, sir.  May I have another?"

TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD

  The winner is...MICHAEL "HOWDY/TRUMPET OF THE LORD" SCHMIDT!

  10 votes Michael "Howdy/Trumpet of the Lord" Schmidt
  07 votes Babaloonie posting as nuke lalouche addington
  01 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Howdy!  This has been an epic exercise in attention
seeking for you this month, beginning with your meltdown over the
deletion of your vanity Wikipedia article (it wasn't any of your USENET
enemies; it was the Wikipedia editing team, who think you're just not
notable enough), continuing through your k'lame that one of your
accounts was hacked (it wasn't; someone merely spoofed your address),
and climaxing with your advertising a vintage horn in the face of
massive mocking.  With all that, it's no surprise that you defeated a
mission poster who has been melting down on AUK nonstop for the past two
years.

VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

  The winner is...ZANTHIUS AKA DR. DRUGGIE!

  18 votes YES
  00 votes NO

Congratulations again, InZany!  While it was your heterodox ideas about
the  cosmic redshift that earned you the nomination for this award, your
other scientific eccentricities certainly helped make you a unanimous
winner.

GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

  The winner is...BILL HUGHES!

  21 votes YES
  00 votes NO

Congratulations a final time, Bizarro!  Your crusade to have Databasix
suffer a USENET Death Penalty certainly /looked/ like it was a rousing
success--for one day.  Too bad it was merely Gary moving over to a new
server.

SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART

  The winner is...TIM "THREE FUCKING WEEKS" THORNE!

  17 votes Tim "Three Fucking Weeks" Thorne
  05 votes Bill Hughes
  00 votes Neither of the above

Congratulations, Dimmy!  Posting a poll to determine that you pwned
Aratzio in a lame war was a real effective tactic.  Rilly.

TAR AND FEATHERS

  The winner is...THE BIG-8 MANAGEMENT BOARD!

  20 votes YES
  03 votes NO

Congratulations, B8MBies!  Your attempts at "obvious group creation"
didn't work so well, especially since there was an active alt.* group
who didn't think think they needed your help.  So, are any of you going
to play World of Warcraft on a Player vs. Player server?

MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS

  The winner is...THE BIG-8 MANAGEMENT BOARD!

  16 votes Big-8 Management Board
  06 votes Saucerheads of alt.astronomy

Congratulations a second time, B8MBies!  Your shared delusions of power
and importance, in addition to your imperviousness to legitimate
criticism, have catapulted you back into this office over its longtime
repeat tenants, the Saucerheads.  I'd wish you a long term in office,
but you might take that to mean something else entirely.

This concludes the announcement of the winners of the October 2007
Usenet Kook Awards.  Twenty-seven people submitted twenty-seven ballots.
One of these was a flame submission from a disenfranchised notorious
net.kook.  Fluffy appreciated the new filler in his litter box.
Consequently, twenty-six ballots were deemed valid and counted.

See you all next month, when Christmas shopping should be in full swing
all over the English-speaking world.  Until then, enjoy and all hail
Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!

And now, a special recessional in honor of this month's big w(h)inner--
Bill Hughes, who still thinks he's Superman, when in reality he's merely
Bizarro.

<music>
"Adventures of Superman Season One Opening Credits"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=p0B1ufyXOds
</music>
-- 
The Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler of AUK
http://www.caballista.org/auk/index.html

-- 
end of forwarded message