This is the Doctor I want as my primary physician. He answers questions
like this:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...
don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend
the _life__ _of your _car_ by driving it faster. Want
to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of
vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. _Brandy_ is distilled
wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you
get even
more of the goodness that way. _Beer_ is also made out of
grain. Bottoms up!
Q: ! How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be
bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets. _
And remember: _
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather toskid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WAH-HOO, What a
Ride"
--
Shalom/Salaam/Pax! Rowland Croucher
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/
(20,000 articles 4000 humor)
Blogs - http://rowlandsblogs.blogspot.com/
Justice for Dawn Rowan - http://dawnrowansaga.blogspot.com/
Funny Jokes and Pics - http://funnyjokesnpics.blogspot.com/
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