1. When You Can't Forgive Yourself ... Part I
"Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of sin,
whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my
sin,
I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your
hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength eva****ated like water in
the
summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to
hide them. I said to myself, 'I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.'
And
you forgave me! All my guilt is gone."1
"How can I get rid of this terrible guilt?" a distraught father
recently asked me. "I have been in a terrible conflict with one of my sons
for many years. Two weeks ago I was so frustrated with him that I said to
myself, 'I wish he would die.' That night he died."
This father is blaming himself for the death of his son. In his mind
he is convinced that Satan killed him because of his wish.
I can understand why this father is distraught. However, the fact
is,
he didn't cause his son to die. His son had been very ill for some time
and
died of natural causes. If Satan had anything to do with this matter, it
was
sowing the lie in the father's mind about the devil killing his son. What
the father is struggling with is not guilt but false guilt.
One of the difficulties regarding guilt is learning to tell the
difference between real guilt and false guilt. Because they pretty much
feel
the same, it can be challenging to sort out the real from the false.
Some counselors claim that all guilt is psychologically damaging,
but
this is nonsense. If we don't feel guilty when we do wrong, we'd be a
bunch
of psychopaths with dead consciences. It's false guilt that is
psychologically damaging because it keeps people in endless bondage not
because of what they did, but because of their faulty thinking.
To resolve real guilt, for our spiritual wellbeing we need to admit
what we have done wrong, confess it to God and ask for his forgiveness.
When
we do this God forgives us. He promised he would.2 For our mental
wellbeing
we also need to confess our wrongdoing to at least one trusted friend or
counselor, and wherever possible ask the one we wronged for their
forgiveness and seek to make amends for what we have done. And then,
regardless of whether this person forgives us or not, God has forgiven us
and we need to forgive ourselves. When we genuinely do this, we experience
the relief that David experienced when he confessed his sin with
Bathsheba.
However, if having done all of this and we still feel guilty, the
feeling is false guilt and that is a totally different matter.
Continued tomorrow in Part II....
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to always admit and
confess my sins so I can be forgiven and therein resolve my feelings of
guilt. And when I experience false guilt, help me to see it for what it is
and get the help I need to overcome it. Thank you for hearing and
answering
my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Psalm 32:2-5 (NLT).
2. 1 John 1:9.
1. When You Can't Forgive Yourself ... Part II
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other
so
that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and
effective."1
Yesterday we discussed how to overcome real guilt by confessing what
we have done wrong both to God and to at least one trusted person and,
where
possible, to the one we have hurt or wronged. When we do this, real guilt
goes.
However, if having done the above and I still feel guilty, the
feeling
is false guilt and that is totally different issue. With false guilt I can
confess what I have done wrong (or think I have done wrong) until the cows
come home, but the feeling will never go away because it isn't guilt.
False guilt is a conditioned response that is usually learned in
childhood. If, for example, I lived up to my parent's every expectation,
did
everything the way they wanted it done, and even believed the same as they
believed and so on, they would give me their love and approval. If, on the
other hand, I didn't conform to their every expectation (be they realistic
or not), they would withdraw their love and approval, and I would be left
feeling guilty. That's false guilt. In other words, this kind of love is
conditional, but conditional love isn't love at all. It's a means of
controlling others.
Immature parents aren't the only ones that use false guilt to
control
others. Legalistic churches and religious groups are notorious for doing
this. This keeps their followers in bondage, hinders their growth in
maturity, and stops their depending on God's Spirit to direct them rather
than depending on their legalist leaders.
False guilt can also be the result of being a perfectionist or
having
perfectionistic tendencies. When one doesn't live up to his unrealistic
expectations of himself, like his parents of old, he sends himself on a
false guilt trip.
So how do we overcome false guilt? I wish I had a simple answer, but
I
don't. Nor do I have a magic wand to make the problem vanish. Resolving
false guilt requires a reprogramming of one's thinking as well as his/her
emotional responses. One's "guilty self-image" in large part was
programmed
in the past by what one did or didn't do; that is, failing to conform to
somebody else's unrealistic demands and not doing what was expected of him
or her.
Reprogramming is achieved over time by developing a guilt-free
healthy
self-image based on who one IS and NOT on what he/she did or didn't do. As
I
let a trusted friend or counselor see the real me-warts and all-and he/she
loves and accepts me as I am, little by little I learn to love and accept
myself in the same way that God loves and accepts me. This takes
courageous
honesty, commitment to recovery, and perseverance. God's Word, the Bible,
provides the essential key for this healing: "Therefore confess your sins
[and faults] one to another and pray for one another so that you may be
healed."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to see when I am
experiencing false guilt. Help me to understand the root cause of this
problem and find a trusted and accepting friend or counselor to whom I can
confess all my sins and faults, and experience their unconditional
acceptance and receive your healing and deliverance. Thank you for hearing
and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
1. James 5:16 (NIV).
<:))))<><
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. How to Know God and be sure you're a real Christian without
having
to be religious: Click HERE
3. Daily Encounter Online: Click HERE
4. Archives: For Daily and Weekend Encounter archives: Click HERE
5. This Week's Chuckle: "On the Lighter Side" Click HERE
6. Please help sup****t the worldwide ministry of Daily Encounter: To
help send Daily Encounter without charge to 42,000+ subscribers worldwide
(including many lands where it is forbidden to share the Christian
message)
Click HERE.
7. Newsletter: To see monthly newsletter Click HERE.
8. Contact Us: To send a comment or re****t a problem Click HERE.
9. Be a Missionary: Please send Daily Encounter to a friend ... or
to
send a gospel message Click HERE.
10. Weekend Encounter: A weekend email service from ACTS
International
sent without charge, contains brief, easy-to-read articles on tips for
better living, quotable quotes, inspirational thoughts, some lighter
material, and helps for building better relation****ps. Click HERE for a
sample and to subscribe.
11. Helpful Articles: For practical life help articles Click HERE.
12. Prayer Requests: To submit a prayer request to David Clark Click
HERE. David is not on the ACTS staff but is offering this as a service to
Daily Encounter readers.
13. Prayer Partners Needed: To become an ACTS Prayer Partner to pray
regularly for the outreach ministry of Daily Encounter and ACTS' web
ministry Click HERE.
14. To Subscribe/Unsubscribe: Click HERE
NOTE: You are receiving this recurring mailing because you
subscribed
on one of our web sites, or requested by email or letter to be subscribed,
responded to an advertisement on ArcaMax.com to be subscribed, or
confirmed
your subscription after recording your salvation response on one of our
web
sites.
ACTS International
PO Box 73545
San Clemente, California 92673
U.S.A.
|
